Steps To Take To Help You Start Your Process Of Forgiveness

In my last post I talked about taking a break with the Lord as I face the pain from my past season so that I can process my way through forgiveness. As I started this time with the Lord after posting He stopped me in my tracks to give those that need this the steps I take as I'm going through the process of forgiveness. I'm not saying this is the only way, but what I am saying is that these steps have helped me over the years and they very well may help you.

Step 1:

Make intentional time to spend with just the Lord. Not rushed time, but time specifically put to the side to face the trauma or pain you feel (Matthew 11:28). What you do in this set aside time with the Holy Spirit may look different each day after taking the next steps, but the time must be spent with Him first, so He can lead and guide you the healthiest way each day.

Step 2:

CRY. Cry as much as you need to. It's part of your deliverance. Psalm 30:5: "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." (Psalm 34:18, Matthew 5:4, Psalm 56:8)

Step 3:

In that time get completely naked before the Lord. What I mean by that is be honest with Him (Psalm 62:8). Tell Him how you really feel, holding nothing back. How you feel about the person/people (call them by name), what was done to make you feel the way you feel, and about how you're feeling about Him if necessary. He already knows. He loves you, and He is a safe space to be fully transparent. (I journal these things down as well. They help me remember sessions with the Holy Spirit, so that I can make sound decisions moving forward concerning the people).

Step 4:

Admit you want to forgive them, but can't do it without Him (I hope that's your heart, but if it is not ask Him to help soften your heart towards them). You need His help. This is true humility. No one has the ability to forgive outside the help of the Holy Spirit. Romans 5:5 says, "And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." I always take this scripture before the Lord during this process, reminding Him that His love is shed abroad in my heart, so please help me to love and forgive through Your love, not mines. My love is temporary, but His love is everlasting.

Step 5:

Pray for the individuals. Sincerely pray for them. Everyone who has committed an offense towards you are not your enemies. However, scripture tells us to love our enemies, and pray for those who mistreat us (Matthew 5:44, Luke 6:27-28). And as I stated in my last post, Job prayed for his friends (Job 42:10). His sincere prayer for his friends led him to breakthrough. Not everyone who does something that hurts you or offend you do it with malicious intent, and even those that do we must pray for too. This helps with the process and began to break any callus from around our hearts towards them.

Step 6:

Cast thoughts down that opposes forgiveness. The enemy is good about bringing back to your remembrance the offense to keep you offended. You have to make a conscious decision to cast those thoughts down daily (2 Corinthians 2:5). As they come choose to declare that the love of God is shed abroad in my heart, and I choose forgiveness. Or whatever the Holy Spirit lead you to do in that moment. Don't allow the enemy to trap you in offense. You must keep choosing to process your way through forgiveness.

Step 7:

Forgiveness does not mean access. This is when it is time to pray for wisdom from the Lord on where these people belong in your life, and how to set healthy boundaries. Some people you may have to cut completely out of your life depending on what was done, and the reoccurrence of the offenses. Others you may have to give limited access. Make these decisions with the Holy Spirit. I never just cut people out of my life without taking each individual before the Lord asking for wisdom and insight. He knows the heart of man, and He knows who can go with you, and who cannot. He also knows who you can reconcile with later, which is all in His timing not yours. (James 1:5, James 3:17, Proverbs 2:3–5)

Step 8:

DO NOT GOSSIP ABOUT THESE PEOPLE (Proverbs 18:8, Proverbs 20:19). It doesn't mean you can't find someone who is a safe space that is surrendered to the Holy Spirit with the heart of God to confide in, and that will tell you the truth. However, going around gossiping about people because you're hurt and offended isn't the way.

Step 9:

Repeat Step 1 everyday. You need INTENTIONAL time with the Holy Spirit daily as you walk this out. His guidance throughout the process is necessary and significant.